Friday, 13 July 2007

Three reasons why I'm not rich

I realised something vital earlier today, and it's blown my mind. You see, I'd always thought I'd never be rich because I wasn't clever enough - no degree in bio-whatsit so I could sell my ideas for genetically engineering tomatoes with human genes (just a random example, you understand). I would always see these fabulous ideas and think "I wish I'd thought of that" because deep down, these great ideas are frequently so simple.

Now, I realise, I was wrong. I'm not rich because I'm not stupid enough. Take the ad I saw today on The Onion - basically, you buy three boxes.
These special gift boxes, printed with fake product graphics and descriptions, hold your actual gifts inside. The victim/recipient will congratulate you (eventually) for providing them an utterly perplexing and wonderfully humbling moment.

Your GotchaBox box set includes one each of the following: (1) USB Toaster, (1) Make-Your-Own Umbrella Kit, (1) Salt Of The Month Club

That's right, empty boxes. Clever idea, you send a gift to someone in a box with high-quality graphics, displaying a USB toaster. Hilarious. Cost to you, the lucky shopper? Just $17.99 for three boxes. Now if my arithmetic is good enough, that's $6 a box. Simple and brilliant. And I could never have thought of that.

The third reason I'll never be rich? I don't want to be. Funny old world.


Paul de Man said...

Hey there wertperch- since we spoke I've been looking at my diary for this week. I know that you work Wednesday to Saturday, but I feel bad trying to make you drive down here for an hour to see me. I'm so sorry that I didn't get in touch with you when I first got to California a fortnight ago - I have really buggered this up. Because I'm leaving Saturday morning, and seeing Berkeley english faculty to try to inveigle myself into a PhD here Weds, Thurs, and Fri (that's six faculty members) the only day I can really do is Tuesday, but I know that you've got a lot more here than I do and so I feel pretty scummy making you flex to fit me. Is there any chance you'll be in the UK over the next 6 months? I'm going back to London to start work soon (I'm working in London doing something trendy and useless in Westminster and being paid a laughably small amount of money for it) but after my contract expires after 6 months I am seriously planning on moving out here. I'm applying to grad schools and want to do my doctorate in CA if I possibly can, for obvious reasons relating to love, weather and institutional prestige. So - if we can't meet up this time around, please can we chalk it up to being my fault and then either if you're back in Blighty on when I move here (all being well, which at the moment looks happily likely) we could maybe spend some time together unhurriedly? I'd like that a lot. You know how much Albert Herring and my mum like you and grundoon, (and they both really miss you, they told me today) and so I'd love to get to know you both too. I'm sorry that I've been self-centred this time around and if we can't do anything now then I hope you'll let me make it up to you with some beers next time around. I'm really sorry about this, and I hope that you're doing ok. Much love - xxx claude

Information Waitress said...

I realized at one point that I would never be rich cuz if I ever had a job that paid well I would work half time. I love time much more than money. Wish I could say I just wasn't stupid enough... that one remains open to question.

oh dear just realized this would link you to my very lame blog. Started to learn more about the medium and soon learned that I had nothing to say so it has remained an experimental ground. God, just Facebook updates are almost more than I can think up!